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Here's a source sheet I put together for a parent education workshop:

I have put together some resources for our upcoming book club. Instead of a book, I suggest listening to the interview described below as a starting point for discussion of kids, the internet, porn and parenting in the new ‘20s! Buckle up, folks!

Listen to this interview with sex educator Amy Lang of Bird and Bees and Kids. Your family’s values around sex might not be the same as hers, but even if you disagree with aspects of her point of view, I think her information about specifically why pornography is dangerous for, let’s say, humans under 20 years old, is extremely useful. Use these timestamps of the interview if you are pressed for time:

  • 1:00-6:40 General Introductions, She gives her overall point of view about sex and sex education here.

  • 6:45-8:35 How she came to do this particular talk, what she has seen of the topic of pornography over time

  • 9:00-11:05 Answering the question, doesn’t talking to kids about porn spark their curiosity and make them look for it more?

  • 11:20-14:20 Impact of porn on kids, specifically that they can become dependent on that sort of stimulation, that they are led to believe sex starts “in the middle,” and that they can find it difficult to have healthy sexual stimulation from “normal” sexual activity

  • 14:30-17:50 Answering the question what to do if you find out your child has seen porn from her perspective

  • 19:00-21:20 Antidote! Her approach to educating kids about porn—Asking your kids if they know what it is

  • 21:30-23:10 What about older kids who need more nuanced conversations? Dangers of porn: it’s not real, it’s not what typical bodies look like, it doesn’t depict healthy relationship progress, the type of images, stimulation, and possibly scary themes can negatively impact brains that are still developing (til early twenties), not a healthy influence while young people’s brain and sexuality are growing and developing

  • 23:30-25:20 Are there “responsible” consumers of porn? This question is really about whether older kids should be talk to “hide their tracks” to keep them out of legal trouble, but in her answer she addresses the issue of static photographs and racy novels as safer places to engage the sexual imagination

  • 25:45-27:55 Pornography is a reality, how parents can be preventative, protective, even through their discomfort in order to address porn as a health and safety concern

  • 28:05-30:20 Safety and the thought of “not my kid”—examples of totally innocent incidents gone awry

  • 30:20 Book suggestion, Good Pictures, Bad Pictures

  • 31:05 to end Where to find her and other resources

For even more on porn, here are some other items that further the discussion and might be helpful:

This fact sheet from Culture Reframed provides a lot of general information about the state of the situation. The sheet has its own links to the research—it might skew a little U.S., but not all.

Chapter 5, “Sex and Technology,” in Janell Burley Hofmann’s book iRules deals with porn, sexting, and other images on the internet that can be scary for children

This article What Teenagers are Learning from Online Porn by Maggie Jones is not for the faint of heart but very informative.

My fellow nerds can check out this bibliography of academic articles reporting on various studies of pornography.

If you are looking for resources made for children, you might check out:

Amaze is a great sex education site generally, but check here for their videos for kids about porn, sexting, and other internet safety issues

I will bring a copy of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures the book mentioned in the interview. There is also a version of the book for younger children, which I have not seen. The book is partially a product of an organization called Protect Young Minds, which, again, may or may not align with all your family’s values, but regardless, you may find their many pornography resources useful.

Screenagers is a documentary that came out in 2016 which explores how internet use/technology/screens are impacting kids’ development and offers solutions on how adults can empower kids to best navigate the digital world and find balance. The filmmakers recommend it for 10 and up. There is a follow-up movie “The Next Chapter” from 2019 recommended for 6th grade and up. 

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